Monday, December 6, 2010

britnie baby.


words cant even explain how i feel. most days i dont want to move. you were always there for me, i know you are still there but it will never be the same. i miss you so so much and i think about you ALL the time. you will always be in my heart beautiful sister. please help me get through this, its weird but i probably need you now more than i ever did. you're such a beautiful person, i wish you could have been all that you wanted to be when you were here, but i am also so happy that you are now happy. you were a very sad girl and nobody could even begin to understand how bad things were for you. this is so hard for me, i dont know how i am going to be able to move on from this. i keep things inside, you know this, and now its even worse. i dont want to speak. i dont want to move. i dont want to live. but thats the thing i have to live. i have to live and be wonderful for you. i know that is what you would want me to do. be the best that i can be, and i will sis dont worry, but it will take time. because right now all i can do is be sad and miss you. its getting a little better as time goes by, but its still so hard. i will never forget anything about you. how beautiful you were even though you were gettin chub :) how perfect you were at every stage of your life. when you were just a kid so innocent and stubborn. when you got a little older and were chub and peed the bed. then you got skinn and were such a girl, and damn were you pretty, you loved the boys then. when you became my gay britnie, and you started cutting your hair. and at the end when you were my burt :) your saggy pants and all. i loved you all your life no matter what you looked like or what you did, and i will love you forever. burt was my favorite. because that was you brit. YOU WERE THE INDIVIDUAL. you knew who you were and you didnt care what anyone thought about that. i have always envied you. i know you looked up to me, and i love that; but i looked up to you too (and i know you knew that). you never doubted me, even when i did. you were an example to me even though your my little sis. you were so big. so smart and loving. i will go on living my life, but you will always be by my side; you will be my favorite sister always. i cant imagine a life without you, that may be selfish but i want you back so bad. thankyou so much for being the amazing girl that you were. you helped so many people, especially me in your short life. if only we could have helped you.



i love you so much sister, more so much more than you know.

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